Death By Taxi Cab

My life expectancy has been lowered since moving to this city. Reason being: I'm yet to master the art of crossing the street. It might be the death of me. Most people prance across Lexington as if they own the avenues. Taxis and UTA buses seem to step aside at their command. Its a modern comparison to moses parting the red sea. Apparently I don't demand the respect of those on wheels. Imitating the behavior of my fellow new yorkers usually leads to a loud honk and a quick dash back to the sidewalk, followed by a harsh vocal warning from a complete stranger. I've tried to improve my street crossing edicut by obeying the traffic lights, but this usually just makes me look like an even bigger idiot. First of all, waiting for that little white man to give the okay is a concept unknown to any other person but me. People pass me by in heards while I stand there on the sidewalk in hesitation, expecting his appearance.I feel behind.
So, do I risk my life and follow the masses, or remain a little cautious, knowing that as soon as I take a chance, a ghost cab will appear from nowhere and end my life? I'm unsure at this point. (This might apply to more than this scenario)
I guess this is where I say thanks to all of the people who have literally saved my life by stopping me from crossing the road at the inappropriate time. There are quite a few of you.


It's obvious that I love to travel. Half of my blog is dedicated to the topic. For some people staying in one place means security, consistency, and peace of mind. For me it is boring and bland. My longest affair with anywhere in the last 4 years was Dublin, which lasted a whopping 5 months. It's surprising how quickly the anxiousness to uproot myself and start over sets in. I say this because I've been mulling over future possibilities lately, an absolutely ridiculous thought because I just got back in NY. However, there is a LARGE downside to moving around and it has to do with relationships. Being liquid means that you're constantly building these relationships and then saying goodbye. It can be pretty heartbreaking. Some of my best friends are thousands of miles away, in other countries and continents, or always moving around themselves. I really miss them at times. While I don't crave the stability of my surroundings, I would appreciate the stability in connections and the comfort of having more people I care about closer.
Rarely do I approach the topic of dating on my blog, usually to avoid humiliation, but I will admit that my nomadic behavior has been a huge factor in my single status. This isn't to say that there aren't other reasons. I know I'm bossy and sometimes talk too much, but looking back there's a pattern of me getting close to a person and then being forced to say see ya later. It's emotionally draining and even getting a little old. The worst part about it is that it never ends badly, leaving me with a hypothetical romance I can only explore in my mind.
A break up is a clear cut decision that forces you to move on with your life. Saying goodbye due to distance means always wondering what could have been had it been more convenient. I guess the trick is not to dwell and to occupy your time with people and things you love, but lately I'm feeling a lot like Carrie Bradshaw from sex in the city, only, without the designer labels and hot career...just very, very single. It could be self induced, after all I Love to rant about freedom and the exhilaration of it. The phrase, 'be careful what you wish for' comes to mind.
Thank you universe for helping me fulfill this self prophecy. Can I take it back?

I am bludgeoned and bruised on every limb of my body and missing a big toenail thanks to warrior dash, a race I competed in this sunday. My good friend Julie talked me into running, and Had I known the extremity of it I may have thought twice. This 5k involved 2 miles up a steep hill, fire jumping, mud with barbed wire, and other forms of torture. Luckily I was able to channel my nervousness into adrenaline and finished the thing feeling pretty darn proud of myself. I really love the satisfaction in getting through something challenging, whether it be a race or a rough patch in life. I'm still feeling a little high from it all.
I need to keep this in mind for future reference. As bad as things get, they will work out. They always, ALWAYS do. Sometimes I wish I was religious. People who are religious have such an intense focus to revolve themselves around. I suppose I am religious in my own way. There are things I believe in and live by. Isn't that what religion is? Guidelines, unwritten and scribed that we use to direct us through our lives. I'm uncertain about a lot things when it comes to spirituality, but my theories about happiness keep me in check. Some of them are (Warning, this next section is full of cheesy, self constructed cliches.)
Be kind to others, especially strangers. Share. Share EVERYTHING. Don't be afraid of mistakes, but be afraid of not recognizing them. Music is a higher power. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. The truth hurts, lies hurt worse. Try to listen more than talk. Find the balance in challenging yourself and pacing yourself. Everything in moderation, except chocolate. Family is all things beautiful. Humanity is family. Go for it...Seriously. Develop an eye for sincerity and cling to those who are sincere. Eat the last piece. Children know more than we do. Try everything once, and since life's short, try it twice. Laugh. Laugh a lot. Laugh at yourself. Apologize. Never stop believing in Santa Clause. Know your flaws and make them your strengths. Tell someone everyday that they're amazing and mean it. Value loyalty and be loyal. Eat your vegetables. Be in the moment & only glance toward the future. Be cautious, not cynical. See the best in others. Wear a smile and you'll feel 92% better. Tell those you love how you feel. Move. Action is the difference between dreams and success. Write it down. Learn something new as often as possible. Don't feel bad for being human. Realize your vices and take control. Look people in the eye. Say please and thank you. Love yourself and consequently you'll love others.

Im aware that a lot of this seems simplistic and you may have heard it before, but that's only because it true. I'm convinced that if I live according to all of these things I will feel happy and fulfilled, which is in essence everyone's goal in life.

There's No Shame in Cake for Breakfast

Yellow taxis are constantly whizzing down Madison ave and tourists crowd the nearby empire state building with their oversized Nikons. I've been tossed into the daily grind of the 6 train and too many cups of coffee, and although I am physically exhausted from just trying to get by, I really do love this place. Everyday when I wake up and step onto the dirty pavement I am reminded why I'm here. This is my first taste of true independence, but its as sweet as the leftover birthday cake my roommate and I had for breakfast the other day...just because we could. And that's exactly how I want to live! I don't mean that I want to have birthday cake for every meal. Neither my hips or dentist would appreciate that feat. I simply want to do things just because I can, and being back here in NY is a start.
This isn't to say that freedom doesn't come without a price tag. There are many luxuries of a real home that I miss, but this city capitalizes on all of them. Need a home cooked meal? Big daddy's cafe and 310 other restaurants in Murray hill deliver. Miss handing over those dirty clothes to mom? Lei's laundry will pick up, wash, dry, and press your laundry for 75 cents a pound. Now, if only I could pay someone to assemble this night dresser that came with more pieces than Jennifer Aniston's heart. Come to think of it, I probably could. Manhattan, thanks for making it too easy to fake this independence thing.

I don't consider myself a conformist. My general stubbornness has prompted rebellion from time to time and it's something I've had to learn to control. Its not that I enjoy a reaction or going against the grain, but I never appreciated the roadmap drawn out for me and I sometimes get carried away in the idea of creating my own path. I started asking myself the question a long time a go: Am I doing this because I want to, or because someone else doesn't want me to? The answer has become my guideline for decision making, and after much consideration I've determined that I am here only because I want to be,. That should be reason enough. This is not easily understood by others. An exchange between two Yorkers will never fail to produce the question: What do you do in the city? My answer: Freelance bartender, bookstore clerk, fitness instructor, and general adventure seeker.

This response doesn't seem to satisy and I can usually tell by the glazed over looks and confused nods.
I'm a firm believer in just going for it! Right now I'm enjoying the possibilities that come with pursuing my dreams and the unknown. I wish everyone could accept my hazy vision of my life without hesitation, but I understand that there are certain patterns of thought that can't just be dissolved. Accepting this notion is part of being at peace.